Stupid Muggle Ads Actually Have Uses?
by TsuirakuMitsukai
Summary: This is a very strange, freaky and random fic. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!


**Title:** Stupid Muggle Ads Actually Have Uses?

**Summary:** It started with a sentence. It ended up with something so much more… Not really. One-shot.

**Disclaimer: **Don't own. Never have. Never will.

**Note:** This fic is more naughty than any of my other fics. The whole thing is told in Hermione's POV. It's very strange in my opinion. Really freaky, but honestly, who cares?

-

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Hermione Granger?"

"Excuse you?" I turn around angrily to see a leering Draco Malfoy. Now, I'm not saying that leering is a bad look for him. In fact, I don't think that any look could be bad for him. He is one of the sexiest guys I have ever seen. He is also one of the most annoying. The only thing wrong with him is the fact that his face is kind of pointy, he is incredibly pale, he is an infuriating prat, he is the son of a Death Eater, he is a player, he insults me and my friends every time we walk by (and sometimes he comes to us instead of waiting for us to walk by), and too many other things to count.

"I said," Draco drawls, "how many licks does it take to get to the center of a Hermione Granger?" I nearly faint with disgust. Or is that glee? Well, the idea isn't so appalling; it was just kind of strange. Not to mention disturbing. And I had thought Malfoy couldn't get any more disturbing.

"I know what you said," I say heatedly. He lifts an eyebrow in an infuriatingly sexy way. Get a grip! He is a prat!

R-A-T! He is also a bastard! B-A-S-T-A-R-D! He is also sexy! S-E-X-Y! …Damn. After a few mental gasps and arguments with myself about cursing, I tune back in to the real world, only to find that Malfoy was staring at me, obviously expecting me to answer something.

"Earth to Granger! Come on, I know you're slow, but this is ridiculous!" I frown. I am not slow! I'm freaking Head Girl! And he thinks he has the right to say that to me! I am so much smarter than he will ever be!

As my mouth opens to retort something nasty, I receive the shock of my life. Malfoy leans over and touches his lips to mine. His kiss is so gentle, his lips soft and sensual. I can't help but respond. Soon, his hands are touching me, my face, my neck, my back, my hips, and I gasp as they slide slowly, tantalizingly further. I moan, giving in to the sensations spreading through my body. Then, he pulls away.

"Only one?" he says, taunting me. "Wow Granger, you really are pathetic." After a few short seconds, I smirk at him. This throws him off momentarily. He stares at me, waiting for what I'm about to say, trying not to show how shocked he is that I stole his smirk.

I look him directly into his icy gray eyes, challenging him, and say, "That wasn't a lick." I can tell he is shocked that I would say something like that. That I would challenge him like that. Well, guess what buddy? I just did.

"Is that a challenge?" he speaks softly, dangerously. I smile sweetly at him, looking just about as innocent as I possibly can. I can tell he isn't fooled.

"You bet your Pureblood ass it is," I say, shocking even myself. I can't believe I just cursed. Out loud. In front of Malfoy. Before I can react, Malfoy is pulling me into an empty broom closet at the end of the hall. It's funny how those are always conveniently around when you want to snog someone.

The door shuts behind us, immediately locking with a quick spell. Before I can object, his lips are on mine again in a passionate kiss. I try to concentrate on the fact that this is Draco Malfoy and that he is a complete twit, moron, prat, git, sexy beast who is kissing me like there is no tomorrow… Damn. Again, I would argue with myself about cursing even if it is in my mind, but I am kinda preoccupied. Malfoy's mouth was now on my neck, sucking, licking, biting. I suppose I should put up some resistance. I gasp, arching my back; he hit a sensitive spot on my neck. So much for that resistance. About a half hour later, Malfoy looks me in the eye.

"How many licks was that?" he asked. I hadn't kept count! Do you really expect me to know? I smile as a deliciously naughty plan takes shape in my mind.

"I'm not really sure," I say, smiling deviously. "I guess we'll just have to count again."

-

A few long hours later, both of us are laying on the floor. He looks over at me and smirks. I smirk right back. It's amazing what a couple hours of a Malfoy's company can do to you. A thought suddenly comes to me.

"You know, what you said earlier sounds a whole lot like a muggle candy ad. Have you been watching TV again?" I inquire, surprised that he, THE Draco Malfoy, would watch anything to do with muggles.

"No," he answers too quickly. I let it slide, but a knowing smirk lingers on my lips.


End file.
